3: regretted innocence

im·mo·late
1. to sacrifice.
2. to kill as a sacrificial victim, as by fire; offer in sacrifice.
3. to destroy by fire.

I've always been fascinated by the idea of firing a rocket. When I was a child, I would daydream about them twisting through the air beside our car on the highway, dipping and twirling around each other like dolphins. There's something majestic about the way a Sidewinder peels off of an F-16 and curls away into the night that seduced my imagination. They were benevolent creatures, to me. More graceful, more delightful, more admirable than any bird.

The first time I launched a shoulder-mounted RPG was as exhilarating as I had hoped. But something else happened that I hadn't envisioned: the missile hit the amtrac I had fired it at. It gouged out the life of the metal beast and all five inside in a plume of warm brilliance. The gently rising cloud above the wreckage was as the lingering of amaretto on the tongue. That first act of destruction initiated me, brought me into a whole new world of intoxication. The awe I'd felt of rockets was nothing to the awe I discovered of what they could do.

Then I knew that what my brothers had told me was true. The adrenaline that forced itself through my body had left its mark - my arteries were wider now. Neither sex nor rollercoaster would ever excite me again. There was no going back.